Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
