when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
