Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
