this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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