so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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