Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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