yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
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I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
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it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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