I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
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i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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