my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
