Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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