The best revenge is premature balding
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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