the condom got lost in my hair
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
