Me too!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Randomize
