everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I would ride that face into the sunset
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