It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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