wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
