Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
