i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
