I think I just saw someone hide a body.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
