I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
