Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
this will be a night to untag.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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