cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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