my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
