if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
