it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
