whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
