the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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