note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize