I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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