the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
