My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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