Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
