great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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