i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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