OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
