wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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