last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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