I'm drive I can fine osifer
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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