You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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