yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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