I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
