You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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