TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
