Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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