Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
