I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
