I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
