Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
