the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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