she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
