i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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