Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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