Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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