I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
