Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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