i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
