Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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