i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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