Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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