She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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