i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
