There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
