hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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