I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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