This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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