So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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