And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
