Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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