he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
