hell yes lets make some ravioli
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
