i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
